Valentine’s Day is a chance for couples to celebrate their love and connection, but it can also be a holiday that highlights disagreements. For many couples, financial stress is a significant cause of miscommunication and arguments. Numerous surveys show that money is the most common source of stress in romantic relationships.
If you want to overcome financial stress in your relationship, it’s important to understand the underlying cause. Then, you can work with your spouse or partner to diffuse tension and find ways to better manage your finances together.
Money: The Top Stressor in Relationships
If you and your partner argue about money, you’re not alone. More than one-third (34%) of Americans with a partner say money is a source of conflict in their relationship. Among younger couples, that number rises to nearly half (47%).
Individuals who say they fight with their partner about money identify these common issues:
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- Impulse purchases
- Overspending
- Lying about money
- Debt
Several underlying factors can contribute to financial disagreements:
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- Differing values: Partners may fight when they disagree on how money should be spent, saved, or invested.
- Uneven spending patterns: Significant differences in spending can cause feelings of jealousy.
- Unequal incomes: Resentment can occur when one partner makes significantly more money than the other.
- Lack of communication: Partners who don’t discuss finances (or who are dishonest about money) may end up arguing often.
If you and your partner can identify the underlying cause(s) of your money fights, you can work together to address those issues.
How to Overcome Money Issues With Your Partner
Once you and your partner are ready to work together to address your financial issues, follow these steps:
Step #1: Establish open and honest communication
Healthy communication is the key to addressing financial challenges. It’s also essential to completing all the other steps toward financial stability and freedom.
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- Make time for regular “money dates” where you and your partner agree to openly discuss your finances.
- Find tools that help you better understand your money. (Try the BudgetingBlocks™ system!)
- Practice active listening and commit to trying to understand your partner’s financial priorities, values, fears, and goals.
If you’re not exactly sure how to start the conversation, try an open-ended question. “How do you feel about our current financial situation?” or “What’s a financial goal you want to pursue together?”
Step #2: Create a shared financial plan
Once you’re comfortable talking about money, you can work together to create a financial plan that you both feel comfortable with.
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- Identify your shared short-term and long-term financial goals. Short-term goals could include paying off a credit card or saving for a dream vacation. Long-term goals could include paying off your home or retiring.
- Develop a comprehensive budget. Focus on creating a budget that aligns with your shared goals, and make sure you both feel like the budget reflects your needs.
- Create personal spending allowances for yourself and your partner. This empowers both of you and offers some freedom without risking the overall budget.
As you’re creating your financial plan, it’s vital to compromise. Unless you have limitless financial resources, you and your partner will probably have to agree on some trade-offs. The key is to find a balance that benefits both of you without giving more financial power or responsibility to one person.
Step #3: Address financial imbalance with empathy
Income inequality can be an emotional topic. If you earn significantly more or less than your partner, it’s crucial to approach financial discussions with patience and compassion.
Instead of focusing on the dollar amount that each person makes, look at the bigger picture. When discussing your shared financial goals, consider all the ways you can both contribute to them.
For example, one spouse may contribute more funds toward monthly expenses while the other may spend more of their time managing household tasks and/or parenting responsibilities.
It may help to have you and your partner each retain a personal bank account along with a shared account. You can both save for individual goals while also contributing proportionally toward shared expenses.
Step #4: Work with a financial professional
A financial planner can offer expert advice and guidance to help you and your partner reach your goals. But they can also provide an objective perspective and a neutral environment that can make it easier to navigate tough financial issues.
You may want to look for a planner who offers financial coaching services. This approach can help you and your partner find common priorities and build confidence as you learn how to make financial decisions that align with those values.
As you’re choosing a financial planner, look for someone who specializes in working with couples. It’s also vital to choose someone both you and your partner feel comfortable with. Choose a planner who offers customized advice based on your priorities instead of someone who promotes a one-size-fits-all approach to financial planning.
Step #5: Celebrate your wins!
Many couples only discuss money when something is wrong. But it’s just as important to celebrate your financial wins with each other!
Make sure those regularly scheduled money dates include time to highlight milestones (even small ones). You may want to plan a specific celebration for reaching certain goals. For example, you could enjoy a special date night once you save a certain amount in your emergency fund.
Plan Ahead to Avoid Financial Friction
It’s normal for couples to disagree on money every once in a while. But if you’re constantly fighting about your finances, it’s time for a new approach.
Money doesn’t have to be a source of constant stress for you and your partner. Focus on communicating well and working together on a shared financial plan. Proactively taking steps to solve money challenges can help you grow closer and reduce disagreements.
If you’re not sure where to start, talk to us! Here at Guiding Wealth, we help couples manage their money better together. We’ll set the stage for productive conversations and help you find common ground in your financial goals. Then, we’ll work with you to create a financial plan that you both feel comfortable with. Schedule a consultation to get started.