Goals

How to Get on the Same Level With Your Partner When It Comes to Money

Money and relationships can seem at odds sometimes. Especially when partners have different approaches and attachments to money, everyday discussions can become heated and difficult. If you’ve got some “money troubles” with your partner, know that you’re not alone.

Are You Training For a Sprint or a Marathon?

As I’ve been examining why I have been resistant to goals, I have started re-thinking how I approach them, and I’ll tell you why. A goal is a clearly defined personal objective, something you want to achieve in a specific time period. What I have recently realized is that there are different types of goals; not all goals are equal nor should they be executed in the same way.

Just as you wouldn’t train for a sprint the same way you would train for a marathon, different goals will require different approaches.

There are three main types of goals: short-term, long-term and on-going goals.

Short-Term Goals

During college I went through several intense, short-term goal periods. One particular summer, I regularly worked 80+ hours per week to pay for my fall tuition bill. I taped a goal meter on the wall next to my bed with the exact amount that I needed by the end of that summer marked on the top of it. Every time I earned a paycheck from my various jobs, I would take a red marker and draw in how much closer I was to my goal.

As the summer wore on and I wore out, that meter served as motivation. It prompted me to pick up another shift or not spend money. It was a constant visual reminder of my goal and exactly where I was on my way to achieving that goal.

That lifestyle was not sustainable over a long period of time, but it was doable for three months.

Short-term goals, as the name implies, are ones that can be attained in a short time frame. They can be goals that we are willing to dedicate an intense amount of energy to, although not all short-term goals are worthy of that energy. As an added benefit, their relatively immediate results allows us to clearly see how achieving our goals helps our lives.

Motivation techniques, such as a poster on your wall marking your progress, or an inspirational photo, work well for short-term goals. An action plan with specifics allows you to cross items off as they are achieved. Tracking incremental advancements can serve as motivation to keep going. Remember to keep day to day goals realistic, otherwise, you won‘t feel you are making progress.

A word here about accomplishment: as I said in my previous post, I have come to realize the wisdom in pausing to breathe as part of the goal setting cycle. Resting after completing a goal allows reflection on your accomplishment, gives perspective and re-energizes you for the next task.

Long-Term Goals

Retirement is a long-term goal for me and my husband. I know that we need money saved, but because I haven’t formed specific plans for retirement, I don’t know what that will mean for us.

I can imagine the type of life we would want to live, but because there are so many unknowns, it’s next to impossible to anticipate the budget we will have. Even people who are a year or two from retirement often have trouble envisioning what it will look like!

However, just because I can’t clearly envision the specifics of that goal doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be setting a target for it.

Long-term goals are directional. I’m aware of the general direction I need to go to reach our retirement goal, even though I don’t know the details. I know that saving monthly for retirement now will give me the freedom to make more specific decisions down the road.

Treating a long-term goal like a short-term goal is a recipe for disaster. For a short-term goal, I may look at my bank account daily as a way of seeing if I am I on track. If I were to attempt the same thing for a long-term goal, like frequently checking a retirement account, the process would be frustrating at best.

Another example is a career goal. If your goal is to be in the C-suite of your company, revisiting how you have yet to attain that goal daily, weekly or even monthly will discourage you and set you back.

Long-term goals are the directional goals that you re-visit over time.

On-Going Goals

After months of spending too much at the grocery store and throwing away far too much food, I decided it was time to get my grocery shopping budget under control again. While that may seem simple to some, it is a goal that requires constant on-going attention and energy from me.

I sit down and plan out our meals once a week. If every meal is planned, I no longer have to decide multiple times throughout the week whether to eat what we have on hand or find an easier/faster option.

If you approach an on-going goal, such as regular exercise or controlling your budget, the same as you do a short-term or long-term goal, you are setting yourself up for failure. Sprinting for on-going goals becomes exhausting and not checking on them regularly makes it more likely that they won’t happen.

Clearly I won’t ever attain perfection in my goal of eliminating all the wasted food in our lives by meal planning. There are going to be successes and there are going to be days where I simply don’t have the time or energy to follow the plan. This is to be expected. Think of on-going goals as behavior training.

Hello Success!

An article on the Mind Tools website reminds us that “unless you clearly define exactly what you want and understand why you want it the first place, your odds of success are considerably reduced”. When setting goals, remember the SMART acronym: they should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Bound.

Next time you set a goal, recognize what type it is (short-term, long-term, or on-going) and the amount of energy or patience that will be necessary. Having clear expectations and awareness of your direction will increase your chances of successfully attaining your goals.

A Time to Rest

I have struggled with goals lately. As a financial planner, I’m naturally wired to set goals. An integral part of working with my clients is looking at their goals and the financial ramifications of those goals. In fact, some of the most powerful meetings a financial planner can have the privilege of attending are those in which someone realizes that a dream they never thought was possible could actually become a reality.

Goal setting is powerful and necessary. I understand that, but I found myself resisting the idea of setting goals recently. This resistance was unfamiliar and something I simply didn’t understand.

When I don’t understand something, my first response is to try to figure it out. Why was I having an aversion to setting goals for the first time in memory? I had conversations with business consultants, goal-orientated friends and anyone who would talk to me about it. The common theme I heard was that once you achieve your goals, which was where I was at, you reassess and create new goals. It’s the cycle of success: set goals, achieve goals, set new goals, achieve those goals. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I found myself asking – what if I’m content, what if I have everything I want? I have a business I love, my family’s income is comfortable and I’m further along in my career than I could have imagined even a year beforehand. What if I don’t want or need more at this point?

Recalling my conversations about goals, I realized there is a lot of wisdom in being content. The purpose of life is not simply to achieve more, be more and have more.

After recognizing this, I decided to appreciate and enjoy this season of life that I had worked so hard for. I began, for the first time in my career, to allow myself to have slow afternoons and not look for a new designation or training or ways to grow my business.

As I freed myself from the pressure of achieving bigger and better goals, I found that I was resting.

Resting allowed me to focus on my daily life and enjoy my daily routine. Resting meant that my husband and I started spending time together instead of sacrificing that time for future career goals. Resting opened time in my calendar to drop everything for a friend who needed help one afternoon.

Resting has given me a better perspective. According to an article by Ferris Jabr in Scientific American, "downtime replenishes the brain’s stores of attention and motivation, encourages productivity and creativity, and is essential to both achieve our highest levels of performance and simply form stable memories in everyday life." Times of intense, focused work are for a season and are not supposed to be the constant. It’s good to allow periods of time to enjoy our accomplishments, instead of pushing them aside to move on to the next goal, just as it is good to have times of intense work. Besides, life has its ups and downs and different phases. There will be times in my life when I won’t have the luxury to relax; I’m guessing it’s wise to enjoy this slower pace while I have it.

Looking forward, I have several projects I want to start, but happily realize that I’ll be starting from a place of rest rather than a place of exhaustion. I now have the energy and focus to dedicate the time and mental exertion to what needs to be done.

I have come to realize the wisdom in pausing to breathe as part of the goal setting cycle. In fact, I would argue that resting is essential to successful goal setting and accomplishment.